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Often, the most arbitrary messaging inspires me. I saw this meme, and it extracted a whole post. I guess that’s how inspiration works, right?

Why do we judge? Where did this notion stem from? When I think of judgment, I think of a group of elderly women in their Sunday best, watching people walk by the pew, groaning under their breath about how the pastor’s wife’s pound cake is dry. Maybe going on and on about how she needs a new hat, because she’s been wearing the same one for ten years. I don’t know, this sounds too cliche now that I read it. I am in no way saying you should compromise your moral ground to befriend someone who hurts you. I am simply saying take some time to try and understand why they do it? Or, even better, maybe use some self awareness and ask yourself why you consider this hurtful, instead of just understanding that sometimes hurt people, hurt people. Maybe the difference that separates you from others isn’t a difference in ethics or morals, but a difference in how they were loved. Some people weren’t raised on the struggle in life, and never had the opportunity to see how self-reliance can mold a strong will or disciplined ethic. Some people were raised with their every whim being fulfilled, and don’t take time to consider the experiences of others. Some people were raised on survival, and don’t care much about anything.

Still, how do we get here? I know it’s perfectly natural to have an opinion or opinions, because Lord knows I have an endless list of my own, but there’s a difference between having a viewpoint about a certain subject and being out and out nasty to someone because they are different. Make no mistake, I am as human as anyone else and when I was young and dumb, I found myself falling into the same judgemental trap of why someone wears this or likes that, but I have lived long enough to recognize that as long as we don’t behave according to our opinions, that’s all they are. This brings me to the point of this post, where is the humanity that we all used to share as a common factor? Human beings have been living on this planet for eons, and disagreeing. We’re supposed to do this! We’re not all Stepford families or clones or Xeroxed copy versions of one another. 

What ever happened to the space that lies between us? The space that took up curiosity, and eagerness to learn something new and different? When did society become so sterile, that we have reached a point where there’s nothing original anymore? Are people really afraid of learning something that may affect what they believe, that they have decided that open-mindedness is too much of a risk to take? Why? How can they feel this type of growth, and pretend to truly grow? 

I have sat with atheists, being a Christian woman, and openly listened to their take on life.  For years, I was taught to fear them because they did not believe in God. I observed conversations which portrayed them as devil worshippers, finding them a bit intimidating. As a young person, I thought since atheists believed these things, they must be bad people. Once I began attending college, I started getting even more interested in religion, or religious texts. I began examining all religious texts, and the associated belief in them. I realized I was wrong about these beliefs. Due to the fact that atheists do not believe in God, they therefore do not believe in the devil. I felt a little foolish once I thought about this, as it makes perfect sense, logically speaking. I realized I had been misled about atheists. 

Then, I began maturing and noticed that I had several conversations with atheists, never having known they were non-believers. They are our corner grocery baggers and our Lyft drivers and city council members. These people aren’t “devil worshippers” they just decided to be decent human beings to others because it’s the right thing to do, and not because they’re terrified of Hellfire and damnation. Christians have a right to believe in these tenets, if they so choose, so why would I begrudge someone else for not believing? What am I gaining by doing this? Creating this psychological wall doesn’t help me get to know them, so what good comes from this? I decided to use this example because I am Christian and I do believe in God. I am not much on religion, but I have a relationship with our Most High, and it’s a good one. Yet, I don’t feel as though I am more deserving of peace in this life and after death because I believe what I believe. I don’t believe I am a better human being just because I was baptized. I didn’t have a choice in that matter, I was a baby at the time. No one asked me what I wanted? If atheists had never existed, how would I have learned anything about them? How would I have discovered that they aren’t intimidating and are smart and very often are kind, just like my God-fearing grandmother taught me to be? 

The only way to break down the wall of indifference is to dare to be different. Dare yourself to spark up conversations with the young lady on the bus with green hair and large gauges in her ears. Ask her about them! When did she decide she wanted her style to be that original? Why did she decide this? Be a better listener, this is one of my goals, as I am more of a talker and really need to tame that to balance out. Give people the opportunity to teach you something about themselves. This can be about any given subject, and you would be surprised at how much you can learn about someone, especially when you have convinced yourself you already knew enough. There are epiphanies out there waiting for you to stumble upon. Life is not about just perception, because living is made up of  conversations at the ready with the power to help you adapt to change, and see new ways of living. You don’t have to change or find new ways of living, but maybe you can appreciate someone else for doing so, and in the process, opening up a door you would have otherwise walked right by. Don’t be afraid of poking holes in the traditional standard of knowing and knocking down the barriers. What do you think will happen, a stack of ideas will fall on top of you, and bust you in the head? I mean, perhaps knowledge can sometimes feel this way in how it affects us, but do you think it will physically hurt you to open your mind? 

No, I don’t think that’s quite it. I think I understand why some shrink back from the growth mindset, and settle for the fixed. I think the fear they have tucked deep down inside of their gut has nothing to do with fear in the sense of being hurt. I think the pain of learning something new, something so incredibly different than what they have believed their whole lives, this new bit of learning destroys fantasies they have bought into for a long while now, and this makes people very uncomfortable. Many times, these fantasies are partly made up of who these people believed themselves to be, and when they are faced with the possibility of having to recalibrate these beliefs, or worse yet, rid themselves of them, this is a frightening pivotal moment for them. Having the self awareness to recognize when we are being judgemental means we have to identify that what we previously believed about someone or something may have been wrong. For some, knowing we are wrong is worse than being unkind, so we take the egocentric position, and convince ourselves we’re not wrong. Personally, I don’t want to live my life this way, especially as a woman who knows younger women. I want women to know we are all uniquely beautiful, despite appearance or intellect or race or religion or beliefs. It’s important to me that I behave accordingly and that younger women watch me support all of us, regardless of socioeconomic status or titles or lack thereof. I have done the work, building a network of confidence within myself so strong and so loving, that differences don’t terrify me, they enthrall me. I dare myself to learn, even when what I learn threatens my abilities or my talents or my ego. Life is short. None of us are getting out of here alive. Break free from your rigid coffin of your way of seeing the world, because the light that seeps through the cracks of the enclosure will do much more than correct the darkness. It creates awareness. When you stop and recognize your judgments for others, you also lose the fear of being judged. This is one of the most liberating steps you can take for yourself. Dare to tread in the “different”.